as reported by Jerry Thomas, EAA932
When the Galt staff arrived for work one snowy morning, they were met by a herd of activist cows demanding that only 100% whole milk, not tasteless coffee-whitener (ugh!) be provided with the FBO’s coffee. The cud-chewing quadrupeds were tough negotiators, but Galt Airport’s powers-that-be defiantly held their ground, knowing that eventually, there comes a time when cows go home.
And home they went…most of them.
Several of the more defiant dogies hoofed it down to the pond area just off the south the side of RWY 27. When anyone approached, they simply melted into the tall corn and trees and became rampaging ruminants. There is now a NOTAM warning of feral cows seen grazing in the vicinity of 10C.
One day, a shiny new student was sitting alone on the tarmac in one of the flight school’s Cessnas intently studying the POH. Suddenly, the plane began to shudder and rock. Terrified, the student looked up to find several vicious looking cows ecstatically rubbing against the fuselage and tail, trapping him in a wildly gyrating aircraft. Feeling the onset of motion sickness, the student frantically dialed 911, and begging to be rescued. Later, after giving his statement to the authorities, it was reported that he gave up flying and became a vegan.
Then there was a particularly belligerent bovine who became attracted to the fuel tank. After getting no response with his sweet-talk approach, he tried cuddling but only succeeded in getting the pump hose tangled in his horns. In a panic, the bulldozer ripped the hose from the pump. Fortunately for all, the break-away connection prevented a fuel spill. The hapless holstein was seen galumphing along RWY 9 with the hose draped around his horns, nozzle clattering on the ground, fearing he was being chased by an angry tank.
Ultimately Justin was able to locate the hose and nozzle in the grass alongside RWY 18. While he gingerly extricated the assembly from beneath a fresh cow pie, the marauding maverick reappeared from the corn stalks and keyed the entire side of Justin’s truck with its left horn.
As you’d expect, the FAA has pages and pages of regulations about avgas pump nozzles. They required that the unit be inspected by an approved P&N (Pump and Nozzle Mechanic). So the fitting was sent off to a shop in Texas where, after sitting on a shelf for four months, it was dusted off, degreased, and disinfected. Finally re-certified, it was shipped back to Galt with a new $738.65 washer.
You’d think a specialty shop like that would exist in Wisconsin…what with all those cows. But we learned that the only qualified P&N in the state was forced to resign after allegedly accepting gifts of cheese from the National Dairy Shrine in Ft. Atkinson. (dairyshrine.org)
This kind of thing happens more frequently than you know, especially as April approaches.